I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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