It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
