I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
