I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
