After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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