I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
