WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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