Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
