im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part