okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
