My room smells like vodka and shame
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30