Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.