A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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