he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
