cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
