I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
