Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
