You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
