Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
