the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
