Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
