i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
