Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
