You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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