saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
