Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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