I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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