I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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