My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
