I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
