Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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