i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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