ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
