he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
