Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think this conversation is over.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
did you just send me my own nude
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.