i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.