I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.