He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.