p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.