I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
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I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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