Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
