is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
