Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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