all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
