She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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