He told me they were just razor bumps!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
