I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
