Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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