I CAN MOONWALK!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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