so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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