Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
