and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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