Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
