Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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