No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
