I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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