You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize