New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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