you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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