My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
