He kissed a someone with a penis
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
