you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dating After Heartbreak
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...