We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once