Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
