HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug