Need sex. Gaining weight.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
