I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
