Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
