i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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