apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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