i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
