Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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