"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
