I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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