I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
