my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize