I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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