mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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