Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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