Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
