My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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