if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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