meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
