It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize